Tears for Triumph by Emma Englund
Sometimes I like to close my eyesand picture what it will be like ten years from now- when my life will be“together.” This is especially true in moments when my life is falling apart.The days following my father’s passing I would picture what adulthood would belike, when I would have everything “put together.” Now, almost ten years sincethat day I cannot help but look back and laugh. I am nearing the moment when mylife should be “together,” according to my younger self, yet everything isfalling apart- except my Foundation.
As time goes on, we lose lovedones: fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers, aunts and uncles, friends andlovers. It is part of the inevitable cycle of life. Sometimes we lose them bychoice- a broken engagement, a job opportunity far away- and yet, other timesit feels like we have no control: illness strikes, a miscarriage, infidelity.It is in these moments that we are given the choice to keep fighting orsurrender and watch it slide through our fingertips.
Moments like these have twooutcomes: delving deeper into our relationship with Christ, or pushing him awaybecause we are “too broken” or He did not fulfill our life’s narrative. Inmoments of heartache and hardship we can have the perspective of being a brokenvessel or a pruned plant, and the best part is that God can work good from bothviews.
When we view ourselves as a brokenvessel, we play the victim card. We pretend like we are an innocent jar- aninanimate object that cannot act on its’ own- and therefore cannot be at faultfor what happens to it. Thisviewpoint is all the easier to pick up when we are constantly comparingourselves to others. “I cannot believe Sally just got that (promotion, husband, child, place whatever you want here), shenever even put in work for it! I have been working myself to death towards thatand she just gets it handed to her on a platter- why can’t I be that lucky?” This is the narrative society wants us to have, that of consumers verses that of those consumed by Christ. Maybe Sally foundout last week that she was going to be evicted and God gave her the raise to providewhat she lacked. Perhaps Sally has experienced nothing but hardship inrelationships and this is the first time a man has loved and cherished her theway Christ does. Perhaps she and her spouse have been struggling withinfertility for years and this is the only time she has been able to getpregnant. Comparison lacks compassion.
Yet, God can use this broken vesselnarrative. Sometimes we experience certain hardships to be able to show trueempathy for others. We all have experienced something that, in retrospect, hashelped us relate to others in new ways. I lost a father at a young age, andwhile, of course it was hard, it opened doors in my life to meet people I neverwould have otherwise. It made me have more of a heart for friends and childrenwho experience the loss of a parent, and has enabled me to love on them better.Judges 7 tells us the story of a victory that occurred by first covering thelights with clay pots. Notice here, that had these pots not been shattered thelight beneath them would have been useless. In the same way, even if we feellike a shattered clay pot, rather than a plant being pruned, God can stillshine his light through us.
In contrast, sometimes thesehardships and trials are required because it is for pruning. John 15:1 is averse that only really made sense to me after I began working with plants moreoften. I understood the concept of pruning before, but in observing first-handthe growth a plant has when cutting off branches that are diseased, growingwhere they shouldn’t be, or have already served their purpose, it makes so muchmore sense. If you have a rose bush and a part of it is diseased, leaving thatdiseased branch on the bush leaves the entire plant at risk of death.Similarly, when we have things in our lives that are “diseases” (unhealthyrelationships, bad habits, etc.) we cannot grow to our full God-givenpotential. We are limited by what we behold, and sometimes when we might notnecessarily want to, God will show usareas that need pruning. The difference with a pruning perspective is that yourecognize that God is acting on your behalf and cutting things out of your lifefor you.
The key point of this is to remindyou that change fosters one of two outcomes. You can either process the changewith the trust that God will work ittogether for His plan to be completed, or you can drag your feet and complainthe whole time like Israel did after their deliverance from Egypt. The otherthing to note is that sometimes we are being delivered from evil in theseseasons of trial (Gen. 50:20). Yes, losing people in our life sucks, it ishard, and you are allowed to feel that pain, but do not let grief consume you-let the comfort of Christ consume you.
The human experience is not easy, we live in a fallen world, so it never will be. The only way to make it easier is to trade your yoke for the yoke of God (Matt. 11:30), trusting that His ways are higher (Isaiah 55:8) and will lead you into better things than you have left behind.
Emma Englund has memories of typing up stories from the age of four or five, and has not stopped writing since. Since May of 2019 she has been running an Instagram blog (@tea.and.God) which began when she noticed most Christian bloggers preferred coffee. Emma enjoys all things theology and faith-based and you can often find her sipping a hot tea discussing such topics at her local coffeehouses. She is currently a full-time student who enjoys reading any theology book or historical fiction she can get her hands on. One of her greatest joys is spending time with other believers for hours, delving into the Word, catching up on life, or simply sharing random tidbits they learned over the past week.