Suburban Wilderness by Vanessa Luu

The last time I remembered being scared on ahike was my death climb, which was probably two years ago now. I thought aboutthat terrifying experience today as I was discovering a new kind of terror. Inthat hike two years ago I really thought I might die; I thought this might bethe last thing I ever do.

I experienced so many emotions in such a shortspan of time and my body was shot fairly early on. My legs quivered and my armsfelt like noodles. I was terrified to keep going and terrified to stop for fearthat I’d never get back down.

In between my constant prayers were moments ofsheer panic, and I had to calm myself back down several times, but I keptgoing. I cried many times on that journey, but I didn’t stop, not for long anyway. Even when Ithought my legs couldn’t possibly take another step I kept going.

Today in an effort to avoid the spider-infested trail, I chose a trail that I hadn’t done in a very long time because it is so overgrown. My dog Snow and I paused at the entrance and then decided to proceed. The way up wasn’t as bad as I thought until we reached a certain height and my vision was impaired by the glaring sun. I could not see. Not seeing is always scary.

I made it to the top and was happy to reach a clearing. I didn’t really pause at all though, I went right to the descending trail that I had planned to take. Very quickly I realized, no one had taken this trail in a very long time. In fact, this path was so overgrown it was barely a trail. I had to let all the dead limbs that had grown through my path slap me all over my body and face. Then I thought, oh no, what if there are massive spiders and spider webs in here. My adrenaline started to increase.

I continued on and quickly enough my fear of spiders seemed to fade, I didn’t see any signs of them…but what about the coyotes, snakes and mountain lions that the signs warn us of? This would be the place they might lurk because the brush was so overgrown. Several scary scenarios appeared in my mind. I imaged spotting a coyote who was staring me down and not knowing what I would do, where would I run? Then I imagine a mountain lion low in the ground ready to pounce on me in a surprise attack!

Lord, when will this end? When will I get to a clearing, or better yet an end?! I didn’t receive an answer, but obviously my only option was to keep trekking on. Finally, I reached a wide-open space and I paused. I looked around and attempted to look ahead to see if the road got any better. Because the path curved I couldn’t really tell, I just had to keep going.

To my delight, the path opened up to a very large trail, wide enough for even a two-car lane. Whew. Still dirt and dead weeds on either side, but the calm started to wash over me as I watch a beautiful yellow bird flit across my path and land in the weeds. Then two dragonfly overhead pulled my gaze. I smiled and took a deep breath.

As I looked upon the horizon I could see the opposite side of the main trail I was trying to get to, which told me I was close to the path I felt comfortable on.

Not until I started writing this story out didI fully see all the parallels of my walk with Christ. Everything I wrote aboutis current and relevant on my strait and narrow path right now. It’sscary. There are many times I can’t see, at all and have to keep going anyway.There are many times when I fear the coyotes and mountain lions in my lifesitting in the brush, wondering if today will be the day they get me.

I also have many bird and dragonfly moments, and those are my favorite, but like the birds and dragonfly, they often flit away before I get to enjoy them. I’m always grateful for being able to see them though. Those moments make me smile.

Lately, the big clearing spaces in my life are slim to none. Those beautiful deep breath moments seem to be fleeting; short-lived and then I’m back to tromping through the brush, wondering if I’ll ever get to the end.

It’s not fun, so I won’t say that it is, but there is one beautifultruth that never leaves, and it sustained me no matter the situation, and thatis the presence of God.

“But he who endures to the end shall be saved.” Matthew 24:13

Vanessa is the founder of Body Soul and Mind and is committed to encouraging and empowering women.  Her coaching, writing and online programs are focused on providing tools to help overcome adversity and hardships.  She speaks and writes often about fear, depression, anxiety and perfectionism.  She teaches others to look fear straight in the eyes and say, no thanks, I’m moving forward into the life God has planned for me.  She is happily married to her husband of twelve years, (who serves as an Associate Pastor in Hacienda Heights California) and enjoys raising their two young daughters in the ways of the Lord.

Vanessa Luu

www.bodysoulandmind.info

vanessa@bodysoulandmind.info