You are Safe Here by Stephanie A. Anderson
Imagine with me a Thanksgiving meal at tables large and small. I imagine the folded up table from the garage brought inside and wiped down, the extra leaf added to the dining table, and the plastic kiddie table moved from the playroom into the kitchen. I’m seeing every chair has a place setting with a name because every person has a seat.
In my mind, every person feels seen, heard, and fed.
Thanksgiving is around the corner and I am hoping to find rest for my soul. It’s been quite the year for us and I’m sure it has been for you.
To rest, I’m approaching the holidays differently this year. Of course, I’ll dust off the bins in my garage to set up the same decorations and prepare our favorite holiday dishes, but this year is unique, and I don’t want to miss the reach it gives me to share my security in Christ.
Maybe you’ll read this and think, I don’t cook the turkey, and I’m not the host, so I can’t control how people feel. That’s okay. Still, we can accept the invitation we have received and show up fully as ourselves. In my experience, it takes courage to show up as our full self sometimes. We’ve exhausted ourselves by worrying about what other people think. In fact, it’s a weakness of mine to minimize myself so that others are comfortable. This year, I’m choosing to find security in my Savior to turn around and create a safe space for those who share their holidays with me.
All year, people have felt unseen, unheard, and hungry. So many people are unsafe. Our souls are weary for connection and a Savior. I am intentionally scheduling time in my calendar to look at how I recognize each holiday.
I am asking the question: Do I create a space where people feel seen, heard, and fed?
I don’t want to do the same thing over and over again. The holidays are too expensive for them to become routine and lose their meaning. I want to create a space for different people, different in their parenting styles, lifestyle choices, culture, and skin color. I want to welcome my neighbor, and I want them to know, “You are safe here.”
I have been learning that part of creating safety in an atmosphere filled with honoring traditions is avoiding perfectionism in ourselves. We can’t do it all, and we can’t expect things to be the same as last year or better than last year. A meaningful alternative could be inviting others to be a part of the process of observation. Many of us observe this holiday season by creating invitations, preparing the meals, and cleaning it all up. Some can afford to go the extra mile in their observations with new clothes and holiday decor in addition to their parties and entertainment.
Instead of working for the perfect holiday event, what if we chose to think of our neighbors as guests? Here is what that could look like: hosting a potluck and eating what your guests bring, or making sure the entertainment (football, movies, games, conversations, etc.) aren’t low-grade dismissive of a larger problem in our society, or instead of busy-ing ourselves prepping the meal then cleaning up the meal, let’s connect with our guests over a cup of coffee without it being an educational experience for us. Turn off the oven burners and let the dirty dishes sit. Can we just be friends?
When we know that we are safe, we can create a space that is safe for others. Smiling, listening, and inviting ourselves and guests to nibble and laugh in the kitchen as the gravy is still thickening, can help break the ice of this cold year we have all been trying to fiercely protect our hearts from.
This year let’s accept the invitation or host our guests without the intention of saving the world; rather, let’s be friends, and if need be, introduce them to our Savior. Let’s create a space that people leave feeling seen, heard, and fed.
Happy Thanksgiving, dear friends!
Stephanie’s work is to encourage women who lead in their space (business, ministry, family) by helping them “embrace the mess” and “manage the tensions” these passions create. She is an author, blogger, and speaker. Steph has been married for 12 years and is a boy mom. Every morning she has a hot French pressed coffee with coconut creamer in her Disney World mug, and she is convinced chips and salsa is a full course meal. You can reach her atandersonswife.com.