Remembering Graham by Sandy Brannan

She never knew she could see so much without opening her eyes. Listening to the breeze as it gently lifted the leaves away from the tree brought with it a smile. Harper felt a tear make its way down her face, not sure if she had ever felt such peace.

It had been three years since she had last been here, last spread out the blanket they had always carried in their car, last turned her face away from the sunshine to gaze into his eyes. Three years of thinking about the final words she had heard him say. Three years spent wishing to hear his voice again.

Graham had smiled at her over his shoulder as he yelled,” Call me later.” before jogging away. She remembered how she had laughed at the way he seemed to be skipping more than running while he carried their blanket in his arms, laughed at the way she loved him more than she had ever thought she would love anyone. That day, turning away from the image of him jogging toward his car, Harper had adjusted the straps of her backpack as she made her way back to her class, wondering how she would focus on a boring lecture when her thoughts wanted nothing more than to relive her afternoon spent with him.

It had been hours before she had gotten the news.

Looking back up at the way the sun shone down through the branches of the tree she had been staring at for the past hour or so, Harper started whispering his name. She always felt a little closer to him when she was outside, especially when she found the perfect spot to spread out their blanket. She couldn’t help but notice how their blanket seemed much bigger than she remembered. How could it not be? It seemed to miss him as much as she did.

She allowed a small laugh to escape her lips. Graham would tell her it was ridiculous to talk like that. He would tell her to just fold the blanket in half and forget about how he had to hang his feet off the end of it when they curled up together. He would tell her to enjoy the day, then he would reach over and grab her hand, giving it three short squeezes before reaching it up to his mouth.

She missed his mouth and everything else about him. They had been perfect for each other and had their entire life planned out. She had thought they would grow old together.

Brushing a leaf off the blanket before she stood up, Harper thought about how those three words still haunted her.

She knew Graham had said them out of habit, the way some people never walked away without declaring their love. She was the only one who had known that “Call me later.” was his way of saying he loved her. Only she had known how much he had looked forward to their nightly phone calls, the hours they spent together talking and getting to know each other. She had been honored to be his person, the one he felt comfortable sharing his soul with. And she had felt the exact same way about him.

Standing up, she shook out the blanket before folding it into a neat square. She knew she would put it in the trunk of her car where it would stay until the next day the pain became more than she could bear. Then she would find another spot like this, a place where she could leave her life behind for a bit and give all her attention to the man she had intended to spend forever with.

These trips away from her life offered her glimpses of what could have been. Resting on the blanket with her head lifted to the sky, eyes closed, and mind focused on nothing but who Graham had been to her, she always found her way back to the past and allowed herself to relive every memory. Almost able to feel what his face felt like under her fingertips, she remembered the way he had leaned over her, stopping just before their lips touched to stare into her eyes. The first time it had happened she had laughed until his kiss had made it impossible for her to make a sound. With the breeze rushing around her, she let herself remember the way he liked to grab her hand and pull her up, spinning her around before helping her fold the blanket.

Yes, these trips back in time helped keep Graham alive somehow.

At first, his final words had tormented her, mocking her. She had beaten herself up, wondering why she hadn’t called him as soon as her class had ended. Over time she understood why those three words were the best gift he could have given her.

She knew she would see him again. She knew he was waiting for her. She knew later would eventually find its way to them both.

Turning around to give the tree one last look, Harper smiled. Life was not what she had expected it to be, but even now Graham managed to remind her of his love for her. As she resisted the urge to do the little skip/jog he had always done just for her, Harper whispered, “Call me later.” as she made her way back to her car and to the new life she had found, the one she would enjoy just like he would want her to.