“Neil deGrasse Tyson in Allentown” by Lara Dolphin
Years had passed since Hess’s opened its doors to customers
searching for clearance items in bargain basement bins
or offered wide-eyed diners the chance to feast on lobster tail
and mile-high strawberry pie while fancy models strolled
between the tables showing off special occasion dresses and furs.
Come to think of it, even their logo seemed obsolete,
a moniker in cursive from a time when penmanship mattered.
The passing of the flagship store hastened by malls, big-box stores
and online retail ushered in an era of the city’s decline
that was enough to make even Billy Joel gloat.
It was entirely fitting that the astrophysicist was in town
when Moody’s dropped the city’s credit rating. Of course,
he took no particular pleasure in seeing the historic place
downgraded but felt a certain satisfaction that, at last,
the label matched the city’s limited financial flexibility.
When pressed to make a comment, he felt compelled
to offer faint praise remarking on local landmarks and cuisine,
professional sports teams, and the general accessibility of parking spaces.
He stated, “Allentown rounds out the diversity of Pennsylvania cities
like the kale quinoa salad left over after a church picnic.”
Little did the schnickelfritz know that the good people of Allentown
didn’t pay him any mind. In fact, it wondered them how anyone
could spend their days fretting over weak socioeconomic indicators
when there was plenty of free sunshine and the West Park fountain
was full of copper coins tossed in as wishes.
Lara Dolphin is an attorney, nurse, wife, and mom of four amazing kids; she is exhausted and elated most of the time.