Lay Down the Parenting Guilt by Dawn Kopa

I’m convinced that there’s hardly anything on this earth as powerful as a praying mama. There are few testimonies that stir my faith and encourage me like the testimonies of mamas who have stood in the gap and ended up seeing the fruit of their prayers in the lives of their adult kids. 

But for every faith-filled mama who saw her prayers answered for her grown children, there are other faith-filled mama’s who haven’t…and this post is for them. 

I don’t think we realize that when we applaud parents for when their kids turn out great, there is an underlying and unspoken implication of responsibility for parents whose kids didn’t turn out how they’d have liked. If we place the praise of successes on the shoulders of parents, we unintentionally also place the liability of things gone wrong on their shoulders, too. 

And that, my friends, is simply far too great and unfair a burden for any parent or guardian to carry. I’ve tasted the weight of parent guilt, and it is unbearably heavy and rears its ugly head unlike in any other aspect of life. 

I am overcome with empathy for parents of adult kids whose lives took a turn down an unforeseen dark path. Behind every young adult who suffers from addiction or depression or is lost and trying so hard to find their way or who has already given up and taken their life or is on the verge of it or who had so much potential that went unfulfilled or who is battling identity confusion or has run away from the Lord—are so many people (moms and dads and any other guardians and family) who did their very best. Even if their best is loaded with “I could have” and “I should’ve” and “I wish I’d”.  

We must remember that even the LORD GOD Himself, walking in the garden and living in close intimacy with, didn’t keep Adam from choosing evil. So why on earth would we think that we can? Free will is as much a part of the fabric of our being as the very breath that we breathe. That means that each young adult’s path is their own to take. God Himself doesn’t interfere with the free will of people nor force His own children to choose Him. He is Love itself, and even those who lived in His very manifest presence were still free to choose to disobey or even reject Him. 

So, if you did or are doing your best, that is enough. Even if it’s not. Because His strength is made perfect in our weakness. One man plants. Another waters. But God gives the increase.  

It is for each young adult to choose how to respond to the hand they were dealt in life. Some have the benefit of having good role models to help teach life tools and point on the right path. Some don’t. But each is free to choose to accept or reject those things or to seek out and make the most of what is available to all. Some siblings from the very best families take disappointing paths in life while other siblings from the most traumatic and void upbringings end up finding healing and walking in the light. Every person’s path is their own to choose. As hard as it is for some people, there are just some things that we can’t control.

 I say this to say: 

• While we can celebrate the goodness in our mothers and shower them with so much love and appreciation, let’s remember to ultimately let our praise be God’s and God’s alone. We can honor and appreciate people, but people are only ever just a vessel of what ultimately comes from Him. He is the source of every good and perfect gift, even the love of our mamas. 
• And when there is any blame to be placed somewhere, let’s place it where it belongs—upon the one who is the thief, killer, and destroyer. He will pay for everything he has stolen and the life of everyone he has tried to destroy. He may be hard at work in the world, but he has already been defeated and knows his time is short. 

This doesn’t mean to not give it our all nor to not repent or receive correction or make changes when needed. On the contrary, my goodness friends, let’s do those things! Let’s certainly let the love for the next generation’s wellbeing drive us to live in our spiritual authority like never before!  

It just means that there is a difference between owning the responsibility for what is before us presently versus carrying the blame for things that were never ours to carry or the guilt for things in the past or the things outside of our control.

Parent guilt is a heavy rock. Let’s lay that at the feet of Jesus and carry on freely, knowing that His grace really is sufficient. Friends, those are not just words on a page. They are actually true. We can literally see that very truth manifested in our own lives if we look!

Let us be encouraged to:

Praise God. 
Resist the wicked one. 
Repent if needed, but lay down the blame, guilt, and shame.
Be diligent to stand and operate in our full spiritual authority, being fervent in prayer and faith and patience.
Don’t fear the prodigal road….remember how that story ends. 
And then, rejoice some more because we don’t have to navigate these tumultuous waters alone nor unprepared nor ill-equipped. 

No matter what, He is good, and His mercy endures.  

  ————- 

James 5:16. Galatians 6:1-5. Genesis 3. 2 Cor 12:9. James 1:17. John 10:10. Revelation 12:10-12. Ephesians 6. Luke 15.  

Dawn has helped serve and lead in churches and non-profit organizations for over 10 years. She recently founded a book publishing company to help Christian authors self-publish their own books. After inheriting her half-brother when he was 11 years old, she raised him on her own, and he is now a sophomore in college. She resides in Houston, TX, and loves opening the blinds first thing in the mornings and the windows on pretty days.