I Am My Beloved's by Erica Jo Cartrett

“You are altogether beautiful, my love. There is no flaw in you.”
(Song of Solomon 4:7)

This evening, we arrived at the baseball fields where my two boys had games at the same time. Convenient, as well as inconvenient, for any mothers who know this life. The oldest ran off to his field and my husband went along with the younger to his, leaving my six-year-old daughter and I to mosey out of the car at our own speed, discussing the first and most important stop- the concession stand. My sweet Wren jumped out and stood looking at her reflection in the car, and after a moment of silence she said, “I just wish I was skinny.”

This is a 38-pound beanstalk of a child, I have here.
So naturally, my mental reaction is “What?!”

You are skinny. So there’s that. 

You’re six.

Beauty is BEAUTY no matter the size. (That’s just how we roll in our house.)

But here’s what actually came out of my mouth: “Honey girl, who ever told you there was something wrong with you?”

To which she replied: “You know- no one. I just heard it in my head.”

Oh, my brothers and sisters: Who can relate?

Maybe you have had outside sources, (people), tell you there’s something wrong with you. You’re too much, you’re not enough. I’m well acquainted with those accusations myself. 

But what else have you maybe just heard in your head- and believed?

Only after some reflection of this incidence with Wren did I realize that my response--asking whoever told her there was something wrong with her- was much like God’s response to Adam and Eve in the garden, after they hid from him. “Who told you you were naked?” (Genesis 3:11)

Both Adam and Eve, and my little Wren, were experiencing shame. And it didn’t come from me, nor did it come from God. In Adam and Eve’s case, it came from hearing a liar’s voice and following it. In Wren’s case, it came from the same liar- “If you were skinny, you’d be worth loving. And you’re not skinny. Something must be wrong with you.” How petty. But the result is the same- shame. And shame wants to rob you of everything: starting with your worth, your purpose, your trust, your relationships, your joy, your ability to be loved, and ultimately your whole identity. It sounds dramatic because it is. It’s a total thief and one of the oldest-used tactics of the enemy against the very people God loves. Because if the enemy can keep you in shame, he can keep you hiding from God your whole life, never knowing your precious value to him, and never experiencing his overwhelming love and forgiveness for you. 

So, dear reader, I am writing to encourage you in what it means to be the beloved of God.

Let’s go there:

As I may have alluded to, we have an enemy who hates us, who wants to steal, kill, and destroy everything good we were intended to be and do. But take heart. Reading through the scriptures, one of the most common terms for his people that Yahweh uses is “The beloved.” Satan hates that. He does. He doesn’t want us to be-loved. He wants to tell us we’re not worthy of it, and use any lie possible to tell us that we, in fact, ought not be loved. But, oh, nothing can separate you from the love of God. (Romans 8:39) Even if you aren’t living in the reality of that love right now, or believing it’s true for you, doesn’t mean it’s not present and available at this very moment should you choose to accept it. 

We have a God, a Father, A Friend, and a Lover, who says “You are altogether beautiful. There is no flaw in you.” 

And before you question that statement with the Scripture, “Nobody’s good, no not one.” (Rom. 3:10) or “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” (Rom. 3:23)

...just imagine my heart for Wren in that moment--this beautiful, growing girl I adore and find so much delight in. My heart said to her, “There is nothing wrong with you.”

Now, this doesn't mean I’m ignorant of her flaws. But when push comes to shove, my love for her far outweighs them all. So it is with our Father, I believe.

His first motive is always love. Always relationship with Him, and our redemption through it. Always life, and life more abundant. Those flaws, those sins? They do need repentance, absolutely. But not because the Father wants to shame us or condemn us. Sin condemns itself. Remember, our Father’s love is as strong as death and as jealous as the grave. And that love wants to free us of the shame that sin causes. That’s why it needs dealt with and repented of, because that is the only way towards true freedom from darkness and into union with the light of the world. God knows this, and he wants that communion with his children restored- bad. Bad enough to have sent his precious, perfect, only begotten Son to take the eternal weight and penalty of that very sin for us. Wow!

Now then, what is our response? We have an invitation to be in the most intimate, loving relationship with the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. He wants to reveal his deep love for us, show us how well he knows us, and here’s the part that makes me cry- he wants to be known and discovered by us. How beautiful! Isn’t that a core desire deep down in all of us children of God? To be known? To be sought after? We got it honest, from our Father in Heaven. Just as we want to be known, so he does. (Look up Isaiah 45:15 and Jeremiah 29:13 for some proof.) Sounds like relationship to me.

Another passage that always reminds me of his desire to know us and be known comes from the book of Matthew 17:23. As a caveat, this verse used to strike fear down my spine, but in getting to know the love of Jesus more and more, I understand it a little better now. “On that day I will declare to them, depart from me, I never knew you.” This, he says to people who prophesy in his name, cast out demons in his name, and do mighty works in his name. Yikes. It also poses the question, “I thought God was omniscient, doesn’t he know everyone?” Indeed, he does. But I believe what he’s saying here reveals a more intimate and relationship-based desire of his heart:

He wants you to let him know you. That’s part of free will. There is no pressure in love. No fear, no force. No dutiful obligation. God will not barge in unannounced upon a heart that doesn’t truly want him. Sure, some may want the benefits of him, like his power, protection, or miracles, but they may not truly want to know him or his heart. That’s what Jesus meant in Matthew 17. If they would only let him in, and see there was so much more he wanted to do with them, and not just for them.

But oh, how he loves you. “We love because he first loved us.” (1 John 4:19) He wants your relationship. And at that, a passionate one. Doubt me? Read the rest of Song of Solomon. Super scandalous.
That’s our Lover. That’s our King. That’s our God.

“I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me.” (Song of Solomon 7:10)

Erica is a wife and mother of three, with a fourth on the way. Her greatest desire above all else is to be about her Father’s business. Aside from being a homemaker, she and her husband own and operate their Airbnb, called the “Log Cabin at Ferndale.” Surrounded by a pine forest, she finds much artistic inspiration by simply wandering her property. There, she meets with God- always loving to linger. Erica has lived as a theater performer, comedian, and singer in New York City, but since moving to Virginia, she is so thankful for abundance of family life and the community of believers around her, who make it a goal to press on towards the prize, together.