Emaline's Gift by Sandy Brannan

Owen reached over and felt the pillow beside him. He could count on one hand the times over the past fifty years that he had reached over and not touched his wife’s soft hair. But now she was gone, and he had a lot more than a cool pillow to remind him of how alone he was.

Emaline had only been sixteen when he had first laid eyes on her. Walking with a group of his friends, he had jumped up from the bench he had been sitting on and followed her. Too afraid to take his eyes off her, he had tripped over the broken sidewalk and fallen, letting out a small cry that quickly made the girls turn around to see what had happened.

Smiling now, he thought about the look that had covered her face the first time she saw him. She had tried hard not to react that day, but it had shown up in her eyes anyway. He had always told her that he fell in love with her when he saw the way her eyes had smiled at him.

Rolling onto his side, Owen uttered the same prayer he had been praying since she had died, “Why her? Why not me?” 

Even though his faith had always been strong, he knew it wasn’t unusual to feel doubt and confusion, and even anger right now. Losing his wife felt like having a piece of himself ripped out. Most days he truly didn’t know how he was going to move on.

Closing his eyes slowly, he thought about how Emaline used to rub his back at night, how she softly sang their favorite hymns to him, how she spoke Scripture over him when he was feeling down. He knew she wouldn’t appreciate how he had been acting lately, just like he knew she would be the first to understand why he felt the way he did.

They had talked about death quite a bit in the last few years of their marriage. He felt a tear slip out of his eye as he remembered her telling him that she wanted to be the one to go first. Even through his pain, he felt a small measure of happiness knowing that at least one wish had been granted to her. As he softly cried, he couldn’t shake the feeling that she had deserved so many more.

Reaching up to wipe his face, Owen thought about his plans for the next day. Their only child, a son, would be dropping by to check on him like he had been doing lately. He would bring his wife and their three young children, his grandchildren. Emaline had loved those babies more than life itself, and he knew she would expect him to make their day special.

Before he drifted off to sleep, he made a plan. He would get up early and pull the old train set out of the attic, making sure to get it clean and working as well as it had when he had played with it as a boy and when his son had enjoyed it as a much younger version of the grown man he now was. He would make sure to give them all a reason to smile during their visit. There would be no sadness if he had anything to do with it.

Yes, he would smile. He would also make sure they knew he was going to be okay even though he could feel himself dying a little more every day without his wife by his side. He would share this gift with them, one that Emaline would expect him to give. They would drive away with a sense of peace. All she had ever wanted was for her family to be happy, and he would do his part to make it happen for her.

And then, after they left, he would find his way back to his bed. He would turn on the music she had insisted be kept on their bedside table and he would remember her sweet voice, all the while counting down the days until he could hear it again.

Then he would wake up the next day and the next, as many times as he had to. He let himself think about how it wouldn’t be long until he saw his sweet wife again. He could hang on. It’s what she would want him to do and pleasing her was all he had ever wanted.

As his eyes drifted shut, Owen smiled. 

Sandy Brannan, author of Becoming Invisible, So Much Stays Hidden, Masquerade, and Frozen in Time, teaches middle and high school English. She also is a contributing writer for The Real Deal of Parenting and Her View From Home. Sandy’s idea of a perfect day is one spent creating memories with her grandchildren. This usually includes coloring and reading a lot of books. You can read more of her work on her blog at sandybrannan.com. Sandy is also active on social media facebook.com/sandybrannanauthor and instagram.com/sandybrannanauthor. You can follow her on Amazon at amazon.com/author.sandybrannan.