Dreaming God-sized Dreams by Kelly Baum

I look in on my napping three-year-old daughter and take in a sigh of relief as I welcome the next hour of silence to sit and write these thoughts.  There isn’t any need to rehash the trauma we have all experienced from the global pandemic...but needless to say, it has been a difficult year for everyone.  There is something oddly comforting to know that someone on the other side of this will have experienced the same historical whirlwind (not the same, of course, but overall) as I have.  Perhaps one day, it will bond us after all the broken pieces are collected.

Struggling with infertility for years before and after our first and only child, I found myself worn down and tired of apologizing for just having one.  It was not our plan, but for some reason, we are still learning; God had a different dream for us.  Back in 2019, I was recovering from a pretty low season of spiritual doubt, and faith wounds that were held together by bandaids for years.  I was searching, weary, and ready for a new chapter. 

The Holy Spirit began prompting me to dig deeper into where I wanted to end up and work backward rather than following these breadcrumbs of unanswered questions to an unknown destiny.  I quietly proposed that I wanted to be a woman of faith, not a woman without faith.  

Once that was decided, things cleared up almost instantly.  I still didn’t understand all of the conflicting nuances of the organizational church versus the person of Jesus, or how the interpretation of the Bible could divide so many inside and outside of the faith, but that was not necessary for me to understand and still be a follower of Jesus or flourish as a woman of faith.

I began unpacking it all to repack it in a way I knew I could thrive in this new culture, with new vocabulary, and ultimately pioneering a very new world for not only myself but also for our daughter. I went right for the jugular and opened up the book that sent my mind spinning with frustration at that time—the Bible. 

I grew up in an evangelical Baptist church and have had a pretty knowledgeable understanding of Scripture since early childhood.  My parents were Bible teachers, and like them, I became gifted in teaching as well.  During my wandering, however, I was desperate for anything but cliche Christian verses.  I wanted substance, and for some reason, my experience was not lining up with what I thought my Christian life was supposed to look like.

This was when I decided to create my own guide to the Bible.  At first, this was an experiment for me, but I thought that more people might find it useful as I began studying.  While my idea is not new, my process and design were unique from anything I had ever read.  

There was something here-- something not coming from myself but outside of myself. I did not yet know what it was.  I journeyed on.  About six months in, typing away for a few hours every night after my daughter was in bed, I finally realized with the support of others in my corner that the Holy Spirit placed this fire inside of me that couldn’t be quenched.  I was creating a specialized resource that may help others navigate the Bible with a fresh perspective.  

I began appreciating the historical context of God’s love story for us, which reframed the theology with which I struggled with.  I had a paradigm shift.  I felt a weight lifted when approaching this book.  It was new again.  Each verse, chapter, book found new meaning as it all flowed together on the pages before me.

It has been two years since I began my experiment.  And while I definitely have moments of doubt still, my faith has taken a turn for the best.  It is mine.  My relationship with Jesus is clearer, more defined, and personal.  This project led me to self-publishing on Amazon, and I could not be more humbled and thrilled that my own decision has led others toward clarity as well.  All praise, honor, and glory to God.  The Designer of history and the one who dreamed up my story as well.

As I mentioned earlier, my daughter is three now, and she is my joy amid this unusual experience we are all having around the world.  Although God has not granted us another child,  He in His infinite wisdom dreamed something bigger for me that I was never expecting.  A renewed relationship with Him, a desire to help others find Him, and compassion for many on their own faith journeys-whether behind, next to, or ahead of me.

This morning I requested the proof copy of my first children’s book called “Little Girls, Big Faith.”  It is dedicated to my only daughter Olivia.  It walks little girls through profiles of inspirational women of the Bible who were once little girls just like them. It teaches them that God has big dreams for His young daughters using positive God-affirmations and Bible memory verses. They can even create their own “God Has Big Dreams for Me” profile at the end.

I suppose looking back that this is not a coincidence.  I needed to be reminded that God doesn’t make mistakes, there are no accidents with Him, and all along, He had big dreams for me.  I am so thankful my journey led me back to Him.  I am His, and He is mine.

Kelly R. Baum is an author, wife, and mother from northern New Jersey. Her first books, “Gracefully CHIC: A Boutique Bible Guide” and “The Chic Mindset Journal,” are available on Amazon. Her dream in writing these books is to reignite zeal for Scripture within women everywhere. She inspires her readers to find remarkable beauty in God's design, both within His story and within themselves. Connect and learn more about her work and future projects on social media: Instagram and Facebook @KellyRBaum