Defender by Jeanelle Fu

I just want to be caught in the midst of you, like how she was
El Roi, the God who sees-
for better is one day in your courts,
than a thousand elsewhere (Psalm 84:10)
The trees have bid goodbye to endless sleeves of gold, emerald, and ruby
but never once have you left me
Even in my wandering

You are my defender
against all the enemy’s advances,
to render me worthless and slain
You shield me from his blazing arrows of accusation
with your unmerited righteousness
You echo your truths to my soul night after night,
until I can draw them out of me,
at the dawn of battle,
like a double-edged sword to slay the giants on the horizon

When I am tired,
my strength and heart withered,
You hide me in the shelter of your wings (Psalm 17:8)
and remind me that we go
from everlasting to everlasting glory,
that my sorrow will be swallowed up in eternal praise,
and my name carved in your book of life (Luke 10:20)

Oh my God, you are the lifter of my eyes
when shame blooms like bruises over my frame
and I’m desperate to hide from the sea of faces, where no one can find
You crouch down, on the dirty and forsaken floor of my heart,
damp with tears, pressed with lies, ridden with adultery
and outline my story with nail-pierced hands,
tracing a love once so foreign,
now so clear, so close to me
And as the dust settles, my eyes rise to meet yours,
Healing, like no balm of Gilead, no myrrh, no stream could soothe,
running through me,
washing my shame,
setting me free from a life of sin

Jeanelle Fu is a Taiwanese-American poet and creative storyteller who resides with her husband in Los Angeles. Her writing started off as spoken word pieces at UCLA,  channeling a raw energy not unlike Jacob's midnight wrestling. Some things that have influenced her writing include being raised in a Buddhist family, her own experiences with grief, and living for one year in the Middle East. Her writing has since then been featured by The National Review, The Gospel Coalition, and translated into multiple languages.