Wildflower Home by Sandy Brannan
Lissette couldn’t make the memory go away. The thought of it had been so strong this morning, leaving her no choice but to run from it. She tried to pretend she was just going for a drive, but she had known all along where the car would take her. After all, where else could she be alone with the memory and manage to feel a little peace?
Grabbing the handle of the door with one hand while using the other to yank at the keys, she sighed before stepping out of the car. As she heard the sharp noise that let her know the car was secure, she wondered if she would ever feel safe again. She wondered if she even wanted to. The thought terrified her.
She couldn’t count how many times she and Mitch had made this drive, laughing together with their sunroof open. Looking down at the gravel beneath her feet now, she knew it wouldn’t be long before tiny blades of grass appeared, the first sign of the wildflowers waiting to greet her. This had always been their favorite place.
Finally finding out the truth hadn’t brought the relief she had expected. Deep in her heart, she knew she had already started grieving, but hearing the words come out of someone else’s mouth had sent her to her knees.
But she hadn’t stayed there.
Turning the corner, Lissette felt her gasp before she heard it. The wildflowers were just as beautiful as she remembered. She knew she would be crying before she got close enough to reach her hands out to touch their velvety soft petals.
Earlier, while she was walking down the aisles of Target trying to pretend like she was just another shopper, she had been stopped in her tracks by just one word. There had been a man and woman walking toward her, something she had no trouble with, but when he had opened his mouth, she had dropped the few items in her hand before running toward the front door of the store.
She couldn’t help but feel a bit foolish now as she thought about it, but at the time it had simply been too much. Hearing her pet name in what seemed like a familiar male voice had threatened to crush Lissette, the memory of Mitch’s lips close to her ear too strong for her. She knew she was barely existing these days, but she hadn’t quite realized how close her grief was to the surface.
Before long, she had walked to the middle of the field, to the spot where she and Mitch had often clipped a few of the blooms to take home. They always laughed, saying that they could fill the trunk of their car with flowers without making a dent. She didn’t feel like taking any home today.
Bending her head, Lissette finally did the one thing she had refused to do since learning about Mitch’s death. She prayed. She was surprised at the anger in her voice, but it didn’t take long for her tears to soften, didn’t take long for her to reach out and cling to the One who loved her husband more than she ever could.
After what felt like hours, she lifted her head, opening her eyes at the same time. She knew it was a trick of the light, a common occurrence of the sun being in a different place in the sky, but still, she lifted up a cry of thanks. The wildflowers all seemed to have turned toward her, their centers barely visible in what seemed very much like a bow.
They seemed to feel her sadness. They seemed to miss Mitch too.
That’s when the Bible verse came bubbling up out of her heart, entering her mouth before she released it in a whisper. “He has made everything beautiful in its time.” As the words from Ecclesiastes tumbled free, she remembered how further in its third chapter, she had read that “…whatever God does endures forever.” At that moment she knew. She knew she would see Mitch again. She knew, among her days of intense grief and sadness, there would be light days full of laughter. Most of all, she knew Mitch was in a place very similar to the one where she now stood, a place of absolute peace and beauty.
Lissette smiled as she turned and headed toward her car, toward home, toward the memories of a life she had shared with Mitch. She gently picked one flower, lifting it to her nose before whispering, “No, Mitch, where you are is so much better than here. You’re with Jesus.”
Knowing her Savior was just as much with her in the field of wildflowers as He was with her husband in Heaven brought an overwhelming sense of joy to her heart. Lissette would head home now with the assurance that her husband had found his way to someplace even better. As much as she missed him, she couldn’t help herself when she whispered, “I can’t wait to see you again, Mitch.”
She got back in her car with her little flower. She knew she would find a jar for it at home. It was only one flower, but it was enough. She knew she could drive back whenever she wanted to get more. Just like her memories of her husband would be enough for now, she knew the day would come when she would see him again. Almost silently, she heard her voice as her heart said, “Thank you, Jesus.”