When You Know You're Unworthy by Jana Carlson
My mom is all about making memories. Anytime, everywhere, in whatever way possible. So, on an annual girls' day out during my “still single” days, she adamantly suggested we go into a bridal shop “just for fun”. Equally adamant, I responded, "NO WAY! As soon as I walk in there, they'll think I'm a bride and it'll be awkward." But she insisted.
Unsurprisingly, the second we entered the store, a clerk bounded over to greet us. "So? When's the big day?!" With a twinkle in her eye, Mom whispered, "Just play along!"
"We haven't set a date yet," I truthfully informed the saleswoman. She proceeded to ask questions about my style, likes, dislikes, budget, etc. I managed to keep my answers vague except the style ones—simple, possibly pearls, and definitely no lace or bling.
As I spoke, the saleswoman nodded rhythmically while her polite smile became a giddy grin. "I have the perfect dress for you, but it just arrived this morning and I haven't had time to unwrap it yet." She urged me to wait, so I did.
When she brought it out, Mom and I both gasped. Winter white satin in a simple sleeveless design with an empire waist, just enough pearls to add a hint of glamour, and not a stitch of itchy lace or blinding bling. It was indeed the perfect dress for me in every way.
Naturally, Mom and the clerk expected me to try the gorgeous gown on, but I really didn't want to. Unemployed and broke, with no idea when I'd get engaged to be married, I simply had no justification for putting on a bridal gown that didn’t belong to me. But both women refused my refusal.
It fit like a glove.
For one dreamy moment, I gaped at myself in the mirror and imagined the glorious wedding day of my future. I envisioned sparkly lights, ivory roses, navy velvet bows, and all my loved ones smiling at me as a radiant bride dressed in this unattainable white gown. Yet my state of poverty and singleness dragged me back to reality.
As I lay in bed that night, sleep seemed as far from me as the East is from the West. I kept thinking about all the brides who try for months to find the perfect dress, then pay hundreds of dollars for alterations on top of that because it didn’t fit quite right off the rack. I thought, "What are the chances of me ever finding a dress I love as much as this one, that fits me so perfectly!?" Never before had I so desperately wanted something I couldn’t have.
Helpless and distraught, I tiptoed to my parents' room and hesitantly interrupted their slumber. The light of the moon glimmered in the tears on my cheeks as I hoarsely whispered, "I know it's hopeless, but I can't stop thinking about that dress. I'll never be satisfied with another wedding dress. It’s an impossible situation.”
When I finished blubbering about my woes, my parents smirked at each other and admitted, "We already bought the dress!"
Speechless, my jaw “hit the floor”, as Mom likes to tell it. Eyes wide in wonder, I thought, “What unfathomable love is this?!” Clumsily climbing onto the bed, I threw my arms around Mom and Dad and soaked their pajamas in grateful tears.
The morning of my wedding day, I slipped into my gifted gown. Clothed in white, I reflected on my unworthiness and the joy of being loved so well.
Perhaps you feel unworthy of God’s love today. Maybe you feel like your sins make your situation hopeless, beyond God’s goodness and grace—like wanting a wedding dress you don’t deserve and can’t afford.
As born sinners, we’re all unworthy of God’s love, and without Jesus, our situation is hopeless, impossible. But Jesus took our sin upon himself, paid the price for us, and “saved us, not because of works done by us”—we couldn’t earn it—"but according to his own mercy”—because of who he is, not because of who we are— “so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs” with him (Titus 3:5–7). Because of God’s love for us in sending Jesus to pay the debt we could never afford, we have the grace and righteousness we don’t deserve. It’s a gift. We just need to humbly receive it.
Ready to walk down the aisle toward my expectant groom, I glanced down at my white dress, smoothed the gleaming skirt one last time, and breathed a sigh of deep gratitude and praise to our gracious Father. “I am overwhelmed with joy in the LORD my God! For he has dressed me with the clothing of salvation and draped me in a robe of righteousness. I am like a bridegroom dressed for his wedding or a bride with her jewels” (Isaiah 61:10 NLT). God bought you a robe of righteousness simply because he loves you. Will you receive it?
Jana Carlson is a writer, Bible teacher, and mentor. She inspires and teaches women and writers to love the Bible, experience its transforming power for every season of life, and wield the Word for God’s glory. Connect with her at janacarlson.com.