To the Rock that is Higher Than I by Mandi Bender
My heart has needed constant reassurance lately.
I find myself getting anxious throughout the course of my day, losing steam quickly, and aching for God’s Word to quench the thirst in my heart.
I know that worry is a vain pursuit, but I remain on the edge of my seat in suspense, on guard as if life were a movie scene full of jump scares.
But who can blame me, right? I think we can all agree life has been unsettling as of late. But if I take 2020, 2021, or even 2022 out of the picture, I can honestly say anxiety is an all too familiar guest in my mind. Yes, it may have overstayed its welcome these past few years, but it has never been a complete stranger.
But why is that? I trust my God. I really do. But it’s easy to think we could control the course of our life by trying to anticipate its trials. I need a daily reminder that my God walks through the unsure wilderness of this life with me.
In true childlike spirit, I often find myself running ahead of my Father in a restless pursuit, looking behind every corner for impending doom and looking up to the sky for signs of storm clouds. And in my own manufactured chaos, I end up lost, far from the side and security of my Abba Father.
Having strayed far from his secure presence, I spiral in my what-ifs, how comes, and maybe nots. As a result, insecurities elevate and fear restricts every decision I make. I’ve missed out on opportunities I could have taken and I’ve starved myself from embracing the love and contentment that Christ freely provides. But I’ve run too far to reorient my perspective and focus on the truth of His promises. I’m knocked off my feet and I sit in the dirt all this fear has left me in. I’m truly dizzy and I can’t find my way back.
But, he never ceases to find me and lead me back to the steady course he has plotted for us.
His gentle leading settles my beating heart.
Through the reading of his Word, my God leads me through this wilderness upward to the highest point of the mountain top, higher than where my wandering feet had taken me before. It is here that he shows me he sees all and knows all. It is here that I am reminded of his sovereignty. I find rest knowing that his gaze will always reach farther than my own line of sight.
My God looks out from that highest point and sees eternity. With eyes fixed far beyond, he gently reassures me that that is where he shall lead me. And suddenly, my heart is content looking up at my Father, as he looks ahead.
"Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth, I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against my enemy" (Psalm 61:1-3 ESV).
My name is Mandi Rae. I’m 23 from Connecticut and am an avid writer and reader. I studied English in college and still can’t get enough of learning and perfecting my work. I think there is great power in the pen when used for the glory of God. Power to relate to other hearts and write words that they can hold on to for hope. My only ambition is to magnify Christ’s name and reach as many souls as I possibly can during my time here on earth.