Second Chance by Sandy Brannan

Seth couldn’t take his eyes off his driveway, off the pattern the pine needles had created. It was beautiful, but it was more than that. Last night’s storm had kept him up all night, but deep inside he knew it was more than the howling wind that had interrupted his sleep. It was the memories; it was always the memories.

When he finally lifted his eyes, he wasn’t surprised to feel wetness drop from them. He didn’t even bother to wipe them away. There was no one to see, no one he needed to hide the truth from. No, the truth was staring him right in the face, just like it had since Hailey had died.

Seth didn’t want to disturb the mosaic the storm had brought his way. Something about the way each of the pine needles had landed, some on top of others, some all alone, made his heartbreak a little. It seemed he couldn’t go anywhere these days without a reminder of the kind of man he had been, the kind of man he deeply regretted. Holding back a laugh that was mixed with a sob, he couldn’t help but wonder why his wife had been so good to him. He certainly hadn’t deserved her.

Shoulders slumped forward, Seth made his way to the small shed that was just behind the house. He knew he needed to clean up what the storm had left behind. This wasn’t his first storm, and he knew it would only be a few hours before he had removed all evidence of the night before. Somehow this didn’t seem right to him. Why should it be so easy to erase everything, making his yard once again look like it always had?

Their yard had always been a source of pride for them. He let a genuine smile cross his face, the first one in a long time, as he remembered all the years they had worked side by side outside. Every bush, all the trees, and even the design for the flower garden had been created by the two of them. Hailey had loved getting her hands in the dirt, and he had enjoyed making her happy.

Seth wondered when it had changed. Even though he couldn’t point to a specific time, he knew his attitude toward his wife had grown colder as the years had passed. He hadn’t stopped loving her exactly; he had just stopped needing her so much. Now he knew how alone she had felt. Now he would give anything to go back in time for just one more chance to show her his love.

The key to the shed dropped from Seth’s trembling hand. Reaching down to pick it up, he saw it. A tiny yellow flower barely peeking out from under the ramp, the one he had built to help him drive his lawnmower into the shed, startled him. Sitting down heavily on the ramp, he didn’t care that he was getting dirt and grease all over his khaki pants. He honestly didn’t care how he looked anymore.

It had been one of the last times Hailey had come outside to work with him. She had wanted to plant some seeds, excited about the yellow blooms on the front of the tiny package. Seth couldn’t remember why he had been upset that day. He just remembered that he had wanted to work alone, not caring about what his wife wanted. He realized now that he had been responding to the stress of his job and life in general. And, for whatever reason, he had chosen to shut Hailey out, smothering her with a cold indifference she certainly hadn’t deserved.

Now he was alone. His wife was gone. And there was nothing he could do to bring her back to him.

Standing up again, Seth looked at the key in his hand. He used it to open the lock, walked into the shed, pulled out the tools he would need to clean the yard. He knew it wasn’t enough, but it was something. He would do more than just pick up the debris from the storm. After he got everything back in order, he went inside to get cleaned up. He would go to the store and pick up some flower seeds. Even though Hailey would never see them, he would plant her the small patch of yellow flowers she had asked for. Instead of allowing the memory of how he had tossed the seeds to the ground while yelling at his wife that day, he would sit outside and remember happier times as he let his eyes feast on the blooms she had longed to see.

Seth swept up the pine needles, watching them move together as he made little piles. He wished all his mistakes could be cleaned up as neatly, but he knew he needed to move forward. Somehow seeing that tiny flower that had managed to thrive despite his attempt to destroy it helped him realize something about his wife. Hailey had loved him, and she had probably understood what he was going through long before he did.

This time when the tears fell, Seth lowered his head and prayed. Instead of asking God to forgive him, asking Him to somehow let Hailey know he was sorry, he instead whispered words of thanks. He knew he had been given a gift, a second chance. He would honor his wife for the rest of his life by doing more than just making it through each day. It was what Hailey would have wanted him to do.