From Defensive Fear to Joyful Peace by Caitlin Deems
I’ve been saved for 25 years now and there are still things I cannot reconcile.
Under his wings I am safely abiding.
Tho’ the night deepens and tempests are wild.
Still, I can trust him; I know he will keep me.
He has redeemed me, and I am his child.
(Under His Wings, William Cushing, 1896)
I sing hymns like this and read promises like “I know he will keep me” and I think, “I know he can keep me, but will he?”
“What if he allows me to walk through pain, suffering, danger, confusion?”
I don’t doubt his power or even his love, but what if this is the situation in which he deems it necessary to allow me to experience the effects of evil?
I know he can keep us safe on this car ride, but what if he allows us to wreck instead?
I know he can heal my mother, but what if he chooses to end her life — or worse, live with a disability?
I know he can cause my baby to grow and emerge healthy from my womb, but what if he deems it necessary to end his life early?
How do I reconcile the promise that he will cover me with his feathers, and under his wings I can trust (Psalm 91:4) with the reality of bad things happening to Christians?
Perhaps I am being deceived by the enemy into defining my terms incorrectly.
There is a popular secular song that coined this term that now appears on couch pillows everywhere — “Home is wherever I’m with you.”
What if Safe is wherever I’m with him?
What if “injured” is as safe as “arriving unharmed” because Jesus is present with me?
What if “grief” is the safest place for me right now simply because Jesus led me here?
What if the unknown that makes me afraid and defensive can be replaced with expectant hope and joyful peace in-the-waiting?
It can when my version of Safe — untouched by the world or any effect of sin on my body or mind — is replaced by his definition of Safe: his presence.
Joyful Peace replaces Defensive Fear when our perception of safety is fashioned by our proximity to Christ instead of our proximity to pain.
When our perception changes, the situation in which we find ourselves — one that ushers in physical pain, grief, overwhelming uncertainty — becomes a neutral factor in whether or not we are actually safe.
Under his wings, under his wings,
Who from his love can sever?
Under his wings my soul shall abide, safely abide forever.
(Under His Wings, William Cushing, 1896)
We can say this with certainty because, while our temporal eyes and body and mind will see wickedness and sin-effects temporarily, nothing can come near the soul that is held in Jesus’ nail-scarred hands.
He that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day…
A thousand shall fall at thy side and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.
Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked (Psalm 91:1,5,7-8 KJV).
It may take daily reminders to affirm our true state of safety in a volatile and unpredictable world where hurt abounds, but God’s mercies are new every morning. Not just mercy to cover what we do wrong, but mercy that delivers us from the fear that ensues when we can’t reconcile spiritual truths with the world around us.
Let us, therefore, come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need (Hebrews 4:16 KJV).
So read Psalm 91 until you memorize it. Remind yourself of his presence as your safe place day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute and you will find that he is the ever-present anchor holding you fast despite the wind and waves.
And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship so that it was now full. And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish? And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm (Mark 4:37-39 KJV).
Caitlin is a wife and mother of two, self-published author and blogger at caitlindeems.com, and a doctor of physical therapy with a private practice treating pregnant and postpartum women. She enjoys deep conversations about faith with close friends and strangers alike. She is a lover of classic books, sewing projects, and drinking hot tea all day long. She and her family currently live in a camper while they build their home on her family’s farm. She is currently working on virtual childbirth classes and writing a book for Christian mother entrepreneurs.